I hatez:

Katy Perry

Good. Lord. Where do I start? She is becoming my new Madonna. I just hate everything about her. Perhaps a good jumping off point would be to quote Ms. Perry herself, "You're so sad maybe you should buy a happy meal. You're so skinny you should really super size the deal...You're so gay and you don't even like boys". Now all of her awards make sense! With cunning, intelligent writing capabilities like that, maybe she's in the wrong form of entertainment. Maybe she should start writing books. You know what else she should do? Stop dressing like a fucking moron. I mean really, everyone gets it Katy. You don't care! You're just here to make "Rock n' Roll"! You're hip and silly and edgy and original. Hoorah. Do you also know you're annoying, look stupid, not good at making music and quite possibly everything that's wrong with the world? On top of just dressing stupid, everything Katy Perry does is stupid. From performing on gigantic tubes of Chapstick to having cake fights on stage and then busting ass. It is all annoying and I wish she would stop. Stop ruining music. Stop thinking she's cool. Stop thinking she looks like Zooey Deschanel (Zooey is way hotter and better in every way). I'm almost inclined to say stop living, but I'm not really in a bad mood today. Also, while we're making changes here, Katy, maybe try wearing a pair of pants every once in a while? Have you ever worn jeans and a Tshirt? It really is glorious, all of us normal "not ttly aw3$some bitchez" do it, so it won't hurt you. Just, you know, think about it. My final complaint about Katy Perry isn't so much directly related to her as it is her actions:


KATY, PLEASE STOP HANGING OUT WITH PEREZ HILTON AND LADY GAGA.
I couldn't find any evidence of the three of you hanging out together but that explains the world still existing, as I imagine this much stupidity and (let's face it) pure sugar-coated evil would bring on the Apocalypse. I will point my finger at you for the current global economic crisis due to, probably, just these single instances pictured above. So, my girl kissing, flamboyantly dressed enemy, I'm begging you to stop(existing for eternity).


Today something happened that has never happened to me before: I don't know if I lovez or hatez Lily Allen.

While on one hand, Lily Allen seems to be pretty funny and doesn't take herself seriously, because well, she doesn't make that great of music and she's sort of tool-ish, so I appreciate her being honest with herself. She, too, dislikes Katy Perry and likes to get her drank on, which I also appreciate. On the other hand, she thinks she is fantastic and is sort of a bitch. I really like that she doesn't like Perez Hilton, but on the flip side, I think a majority of what he says about her is funny and true and really seems to get her panties in a wad, thus canceling my prior judgments of her not taking herself to seriously. Ugh! I also hate that she always goes to the beach topless. I understand that you're from Europe and that's cool there, but people take pictures of you and criticize you and then you whine about them calling you fat. Don't be such a moron. Also, I don't think you have nice enough boobs to go flopping them around everywhere, just sayin'. Long story short, I live in a world of black and white and Lily Allen is gray matter, so please help me decide so I don't lose any sleep over this (but I really won't because I'm not that sad...and I have booze).


My lovez for the day is
Chick Fil A

I lovezzzzzzz Chick Fil A. It is the greatest food ever made and nothing will ever top it. I know they don't have them everywhere, so if you live in one of these non-Chick Fil A areas, I am going to give you great advice and tell you to move. Aside from being the most tasteful sensation my tongue has ever had, I like Chick Fil A because it's one of those fast foods that don't make me feel all fat and gross after I eat it. Most likely because it's made from angel tears and magic chickens, probably. If you ever want to take me on a date, this is a safe bet and since I was about fifteen I decided Chick Fil A is going to cater my wedding. So this could be more of an obsession than a love, but WHATEVA! They have funny commercials and advertising which is also a good way to get on my good side (Geico Gecko, what's up!? Love you.) and I know you might think that I hate that they're closed on Sundays, but I don't even care. I think of it as them doing their part to not let me over indulge myself, because after all, where would I be if I ate Chick Fil A SEVEN days a week? Good looking out, Jesus.

Today will have more Lovez than hatez. Possibly.
Loves:
Hank Azaria.


How do you not love Hank Azaria? By not appreciating his role as Phoebe's ex-lover David who moved to Minsk. Or not loving Moe or Chief Wiggum or Professor Frink or the Comic Book Guy or Apu or pretty much the The Simpsons period. What is wrong with you? You should be ashamed. This man is pure gold. Also, just look at that smile!

Next Lovez:
Boiled Peanuts

Boiled peanuts are delicious. They also come in cajun. Who doesn't love foodz that come with options? Only terrorists, I think. I feel bad for people who aren't from the South because they usually have not had the glory to experience God's little grown-under-ground gift to the world. He let you win the war, but who's really the winner here? The only food I've had in the North we don't have here is scrapple. Oh, what's that? You're contemplating a move? Go figure.

Edit: This is scrapple.

HATEZ:
This is a big one. This woman is the bane of my existence.
I HATEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ MADONNA
Ughhhhh. Just looking at her gives me chills. Or fills me with hate. Either or. Let me count the ways I hate this gargoyle-ish freak.
1. She looks like a monster. From her over worked out body to her over worked on face, she is constantly reminding me of some movie creature that scared me as a child (picture #1: think Gollum, #2, Willy Wonka. So I'm scared a bit easy? Eat me.)
2. She is not musically talented. Now, ok, you think "Well, she's a Pop artist, they never really are." and I agree, but Britney Spears has always been nice to look at or entertaining to watch, so you could just sort of plug your ears. Madonna did have a nice run back in the eighties, but good God, give it up already. That song Ray of Light made me want to punch myself in the face.
3. She's one of those religious/works out too much/humanitarian celebrities. This should potentially not bother me. Potentially. If she didn't have a billion dollars, she wouldn't give a shit about third world countries. If she didn't have a billion dollars, she also wouldn't have some personal trainer bitch follow her around and make sure she only ingests water and wheat grass. And if she didn't have a billion dollars, she wouldn't have had the time to find anything out about Kaballah and would probably just sit in her trailer and chain smoke. And still look like an alien.
4. Evita.