I hatez
Disney "Stars"

It's just such bullshit. They're cute little girls and all, but they suck at everything they do. They're not good actresses, and NONE of them can sing. But mainly, I hate them because I'm jealous. When I was fifteen, I just wanted to wear really expensive clothes and not go to school. And I wanted to be loaded for the rest of my life. Then, when I hit seventeen, I wanted to get fucked up all the time and dress like a whore. Man, these kids are livin' the life. Is there a God? Why does he hate me? I'll wear glitter and hair extensions. Disney doesn't like people past 17, you say? Fuck you, Disney. Fuck you really hard.

Sour Candy

Fuck. This. You'll probably disagree with me because sour candy probably reminds you of when you were young and stupid and liked the pain this shit causes, but I wasn't a moron like you. I do not like that it squeezes my jaws and hurts, I don't like that it gives you those little bumps in your mouth, and I don't like that it makes my teeth all squeaky and gross. 'Nuff said.

Lastly,
SONIC


can eat a dick.


I LOVEZ:

John motherfucking Mayer

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Now, don't take that as I find him attractive. I don't. I actually think he looks sort of trollish or something. But, I would still have his children. He is sexy. And I don't really say that because it sounds pretty gay, but it's true in his case. Also, he's smart, funny, and he's like, insightful and caring and deep. Or at least that's how I paint him in my mind? I have yet to experience John Mayer live, because one of two things would happen: I would either literally secrete my pants off and/or get arrested for sexual molestation. Not many people have this effect on me, so I'll admit the shit when it happens.

Kittens

What is there to say really? I luz them. They cute. And because of lolCats, when I see them I only want to speak in internet lingo, and that's just funny.

T.G.I.F

Oh. My. God.

My lovez today is a new found one that is near and dear to my heart. For no more reason than because I say it is, really, but I can't express enough how much I lovez this lovez.


Taylor Swift. My goodness. I have the biggest girl crush on her (think Kirstie Alley sized) and I don't even normally go for youngsters. She's cute, and her music kind of sucks a little bit but not as much as Miley Cyrus or any of those other teen foolz.
Seriously, watch this:
and tell me you don't want to shave her beautiful head of hair off and tape it to yours. Then, possibly, shrink her and put a bald little Taylor in your breast pocket to carry around all day to talk to about boys, how much of a skank Selena Gomez is, and uh, kittens. Yes. I'm sure Taylor Swift loves to talk about kittens. Is there a possibility my love for Taylor is fueled by her endearingly sweet, innocent, goofy, slumber party having, youthfulness to the point of not having to care if she eats carbs or not potential to be the childhood best friend I never had and allow me to reconnect with my youth? Duhz. Does this deter me from wanting to casually run in to her in Nashville which is ten hours away from where I live? Not a chance. Get hip to the T.S., cause gurlfryan rulez.


My hatez for the day.

I figured I would make it something other than a celebrity because, contrary to my track record thus far, I DO hatez and lovez thingz otherz thanz celebritiez. Sooo-
The Fixed Gear Craze

Now, this is disliked by me and few others, which I can't really understand. It goes sort of hand in hand with going green, being a hipster, etc. None of which I completely understand. The biking thing is just dumb because, well, these people look dumb. They gather in mass (Critical Mass, brah) to ride through the streets of cities for what? To stick it to the man that drives cars? To not pollute? I just don't get it. And you might say "Hey, what's so wrong with people getting together to celebrate and talk about things that they like?" and I might say "Absolutely nothing" but I feel like there is an underlying cause to said meet-ups. These kids don't do anything without a cause and/or a motive to reach their goal of sticking out and being original (Despite how this latest cultural phenomenon really is the most UNoriginal thing ever, but that's for another day) I get really bent out of shape over really small things, so what?
You want more? My personal grudge against "these" kids isn't enough to pacify you? Okay. I think you should just drive a car. I bet when most "fixed gear-ers" turned sixteen in the early 2000's they weren't like "Mom, I really want a fucking Huffy in the driveway". It became popular because now the more poor you look the cooler you are, and hobo's ride bikes, so hipsters ride bikes. What is funny about these bikes is how much they cost and how many people that have them (short of Brooklynites and real city folk. -these people I'm not so much disputing, as much as kids in say, Tallahassee, Florida) also have cars! I'm over this rant. Because it will turn into a never ending irrelevant splooge of words pretty soon. In short, I say go spend $1000 on a bike.I will get you new, hip friends, lower your green number, and up yr street cred, dude.