I don't actually like small things. In fact, I hate them. Kids, small fries, short people, they're just not enough. But I do, however, go pretty much apeshit over mini versions of normal sized things. I know I am not alone in this. Everyone loves to gawk at the travel size toiletries at Wal Mart. And those new small cans of soda? Completely useless, yet completely adorable. I would even go as far as to say that I only like living creatures when they're small. Babies are cute. I want millions, but only if I can give them away when they hit about four before they turn into bastards like the rest of humanity. Kittens? Oh god! Yay! Cats? Eh. I can't stress it enough though: there is a difference between small and mini, and small should just stay the hell away from me.
I fucking love string cheese. Only Sargento Low Fat though. I don't like cheese at all really, except on nachos and pizza, but this shit is like heroine. I literally have to stop myself from just shoving them all in my mouth at once. Not to avoid looking like an insane heffer, basically because they're too expensive to eat at the rate I would like to.
I should only be allowed to talk to other people when I'm drinking. When I am sober, I am not as funny, they are not as attractive, and I am (brace yourself) sort of bitchy. When I'm drinking, everyone is my best friend and they are good looking. It pretty much lets me live in my ideal world, lie or not. I also love it because it is really the only thing to do. I am too lazy to go be outdoorsy, and I hate moving quite a bit, but with booze, I am united with my peers and have a wonderful time without sweating or without wearing spandex (most of the time). I don't condone drinking and driving nor do I suggest being a drunken whore, but if you can maintain yourself as well as I can*, then by all means, let's get shit faced.
*This is a relative statement. Some would say I cannot handle alcohol. I would say they are stupid.
I need your help. I feel like my normal amount of hate is dwindling with every second. Remind me of stupid people or things. Don't let me lose who I am.
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