Today I hate a lot.
Lady Gaga


No, bitch, I don't like you. I don't like that Christina Aguilara got shit for trying to copy you because you suck and homegirl wouldn't make that mistake. I don't like that you're always half naked and I don't like that you think singing about being drunk and losing your keys and your man is cool, because frankly, I don't care about either. You and Katy Perry should really start a clothing line together. You could call it "Dressed Like An Idiot". Or make it something more poppy and fun and aimed towards your demographic. Either way, I have faith that both of you will keep poisoning the minds of people who are just generally probably trying to drive their cars but because popular radio eats dick, they are forced to hear your mind numbingly stupid music.


Perez Hilton

My reasons for hating Perez Hilton should be obvious: he is rich from doing nothing, whilst I am not. Oh, yes, it does go much deeper. I assume he thinks the shit he writes about anyone cares about (I know you care about what I have to say because I am wonderful and awesome, so this judgment doesn't apply to me). And I also assume he thinks naming celebrity couples things like "Brangelina" and drawing cum leaking out of people's faces is funny. It is not. Hoorah, you got rich because you know how to type and use paint. BFD, turd. Lastly I really have something against people who try to publicly make that transition from regular person who blogs to internet/real life celebrity. It is never done gracefully, and when you are featured on Cribs, you just look poor. Perez Hilton tries this. He talks about how he loves hunky celebrities, wants to lose weight blah blah blah then turns around and starts pushing his book down your throat and talks about how he wuz t0tally hangin wif Katy Perry n shiz. Suck. Oh, one more thing: he always posts shitty new music that will "get you bumpin'" and it sucks and that's how people like Katy Perry and Lady Gaga have careers right now. DOUBLE SUCK.




My last hate for the day is:

Gilmore Girls

This show is an anomaly as far as I am concerned. How something so stupid could last for what, seven seasons? is beyond anything my mind can handle.

The odd relationship between mother and daughter is really scary. I imagine the only people that enjoy this are mothers that have daughters going through their teen angst/rebellious phase, and dream of having such a witty, trusting relationship with their daughters. Note to these women: this relationship is unhealthy. The daughter should not be the mother. Another disgusting thing about this show is the terrible banter. I have had thoughts of throwing my television to get that bitch Lorelai to stop talking and stop being so fucking annoying. She's like one of those annoying kids from high school that say things like "Pink pony!" and bust a gut. Not funny. Just annoying. Also, no one really talks like that because of how stupid it sounds and because no one can get a word in while you're trying to ramble on and demonstrate how "on the same page" and how freakishly close you are with your daughter. Finally, Lorelai and Rory, why don't you make something fucking happen during your show.Ohhh! I get it- Lorelai works, Rory goes to school and you walk to a diner owned by a disgruntled idiot and steal coffee. SEVEN FUCKING SEASONS?! What is wrong with the world?


My only love for the day:
Kings of Leon


Yes, I DID try to find the gayest picture of them that I could, because if I didn't you'd be blown away by their beauty.They are three brothers and a cousin, and I don't know how such beauty could come from one set of ovaries (I'm going by majority here. I am aware there were two sets of ovaries involved in their creation). Aside from being everything I desire in my future husband (Southern, beautiful, rich...), these fellows are quite talented. I will say a lot of their music isn't for everyone, but their latest album Only By the Night is really one for the masses. My mom likes it, I like it, John Mayer likes it. They also seem to be pretty funny dudes. I'd seriously consider throwing back some whiskey and making memories with these guys kind of funny (and I don't just hang out with anyone). Check out their home videos on their YouTube and tell me you don't fall in love. My final reason for loving Kings of Leon is a bit juvenile, some would say, but it's because the singer is the most gorgeous creature my eyes have ever had the pleasure of seeing. Feast your eyes:

His name is Caleb and he will be mine. So he's dating a model and lives in a different state and has body guards you say? Pish posh. Nothing can stop love, Caleb, don't forget that, cupcake.

T.G.I.F

Oh. My. God.

My lovez today is a new found one that is near and dear to my heart. For no more reason than because I say it is, really, but I can't express enough how much I lovez this lovez.


Taylor Swift. My goodness. I have the biggest girl crush on her (think Kirstie Alley sized) and I don't even normally go for youngsters. She's cute, and her music kind of sucks a little bit but not as much as Miley Cyrus or any of those other teen foolz.
Seriously, watch this:
and tell me you don't want to shave her beautiful head of hair off and tape it to yours. Then, possibly, shrink her and put a bald little Taylor in your breast pocket to carry around all day to talk to about boys, how much of a skank Selena Gomez is, and uh, kittens. Yes. I'm sure Taylor Swift loves to talk about kittens. Is there a possibility my love for Taylor is fueled by her endearingly sweet, innocent, goofy, slumber party having, youthfulness to the point of not having to care if she eats carbs or not potential to be the childhood best friend I never had and allow me to reconnect with my youth? Duhz. Does this deter me from wanting to casually run in to her in Nashville which is ten hours away from where I live? Not a chance. Get hip to the T.S., cause gurlfryan rulez.


My hatez for the day.

I figured I would make it something other than a celebrity because, contrary to my track record thus far, I DO hatez and lovez thingz otherz thanz celebritiez. Sooo-
The Fixed Gear Craze

Now, this is disliked by me and few others, which I can't really understand. It goes sort of hand in hand with going green, being a hipster, etc. None of which I completely understand. The biking thing is just dumb because, well, these people look dumb. They gather in mass (Critical Mass, brah) to ride through the streets of cities for what? To stick it to the man that drives cars? To not pollute? I just don't get it. And you might say "Hey, what's so wrong with people getting together to celebrate and talk about things that they like?" and I might say "Absolutely nothing" but I feel like there is an underlying cause to said meet-ups. These kids don't do anything without a cause and/or a motive to reach their goal of sticking out and being original (Despite how this latest cultural phenomenon really is the most UNoriginal thing ever, but that's for another day) I get really bent out of shape over really small things, so what?
You want more? My personal grudge against "these" kids isn't enough to pacify you? Okay. I think you should just drive a car. I bet when most "fixed gear-ers" turned sixteen in the early 2000's they weren't like "Mom, I really want a fucking Huffy in the driveway". It became popular because now the more poor you look the cooler you are, and hobo's ride bikes, so hipsters ride bikes. What is funny about these bikes is how much they cost and how many people that have them (short of Brooklynites and real city folk. -these people I'm not so much disputing, as much as kids in say, Tallahassee, Florida) also have cars! I'm over this rant. Because it will turn into a never ending irrelevant splooge of words pretty soon. In short, I say go spend $1000 on a bike.I will get you new, hip friends, lower your green number, and up yr street cred, dude.

Today will have more Lovez than hatez. Possibly.
Loves:
Hank Azaria.


How do you not love Hank Azaria? By not appreciating his role as Phoebe's ex-lover David who moved to Minsk. Or not loving Moe or Chief Wiggum or Professor Frink or the Comic Book Guy or Apu or pretty much the The Simpsons period. What is wrong with you? You should be ashamed. This man is pure gold. Also, just look at that smile!

Next Lovez:
Boiled Peanuts

Boiled peanuts are delicious. They also come in cajun. Who doesn't love foodz that come with options? Only terrorists, I think. I feel bad for people who aren't from the South because they usually have not had the glory to experience God's little grown-under-ground gift to the world. He let you win the war, but who's really the winner here? The only food I've had in the North we don't have here is scrapple. Oh, what's that? You're contemplating a move? Go figure.

Edit: This is scrapple.

HATEZ:
This is a big one. This woman is the bane of my existence.
I HATEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ MADONNA
Ughhhhh. Just looking at her gives me chills. Or fills me with hate. Either or. Let me count the ways I hate this gargoyle-ish freak.
1. She looks like a monster. From her over worked out body to her over worked on face, she is constantly reminding me of some movie creature that scared me as a child (picture #1: think Gollum, #2, Willy Wonka. So I'm scared a bit easy? Eat me.)
2. She is not musically talented. Now, ok, you think "Well, she's a Pop artist, they never really are." and I agree, but Britney Spears has always been nice to look at or entertaining to watch, so you could just sort of plug your ears. Madonna did have a nice run back in the eighties, but good God, give it up already. That song Ray of Light made me want to punch myself in the face.
3. She's one of those religious/works out too much/humanitarian celebrities. This should potentially not bother me. Potentially. If she didn't have a billion dollars, she wouldn't give a shit about third world countries. If she didn't have a billion dollars, she also wouldn't have some personal trainer bitch follow her around and make sure she only ingests water and wheat grass. And if she didn't have a billion dollars, she wouldn't have had the time to find anything out about Kaballah and would probably just sit in her trailer and chain smoke. And still look like an alien.
4. Evita.

Golden Globez?

Today, our hatez is Angelina Jolie.

Angelina Jolie is a freak. From Billy Bob Thorton to having 854 kidz, this bitch is just nuts. I don't like her because she's a homewrecker, and despite what anyone says, they all agree and are 100% on Jennifer Aniston's side. I also hate her because she looks like a blowfish or something. Really, if that's plastic surgery, STOP. If it's natural, GET PLASTIC SURGERY. I just really don't get down with her whole I'm-a-humanitarian-I-love-everyone-and-everything-and-I'm-hot-but-I-don't-want-to-be-just-another-hot
-girl-so-I-have-tattoos-and-many-races-of-kids-to-be-edgy vibe. It's whack. Sort of like me saying whack. I think Angelina Jolie is a terrible actress, which is proven in such films as Lara Croft:Tomb Raider and Mr & Mrs Smith. Oh geez, she can make a serious face and glare whilst wearing a body suit. Pure talent, apparently. Lastly, I hate Angelina Jolie because of what she did to Brad Pitt. When he was with Jennifer Aniston, he was beautiful. Like, should have a monument made of him and should sneak through my window every night beautiful. Now, whether the cause is trying to keep track of 293 kids or if he caught something on one of his trips overseas, bitch looks rough. He looks old and sort of had and I don't like it. As a matter of fact, if current Brad came knocking on my window, I'd still have sex with him, but I'd call him John Mayer the whole time.


Today I love Kate Winslet.
Wow. How could one not? She's flawlessly beautiful, a great actress, only has 2 kids, I could go on and on. What really sparked my love for Kate, though, was her finally winning a Golden Globe last night.

Graceful, endearing, sweet. I actually teared up when she was giving that speech. But what I really loved, was "Anne, Meryl, Kristin. Oh God who's the other one?!" In yr face Angelina. Kate Winslet is hot and she rules.

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This will contain hatez and lovez and my thoughtz because they matter and you should listen to what I have to say.