Tuesday, December 29, 2009

1229

I fucking hatez

Buffets

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Maybe I don't actually hate everything about buffets. I like having different varieties of food. And I don't hate all buffets (Have you ever been on a cruise and been to one of those midnight chocolate buffets? Shit Sonnn!), I basically just hate the disgusting ones that normal people are allowed at. As if I don't feel bad enough about myself that I feel the need to go to a restaurant where I am going to eat more than one plate, I see some big fat lady in front of me in line for the macaroni and cheese and can't help but think it will one day be me. That sucks. Just in general all the people at buffets are hugely fat. Being fat is whatever. This was me in third grade:
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The difference is that I knew I was fat and if I ever went to a buffet, I'd only eat salad and then take fried food home so people thought I had a thyroid problem or something. It seems like fat people at buffets are shameless. I also hate that people let their fucking kids run around and be loud. Put them on a leash or something. I don't want their booger-picking fingers touching my french fries, for Christ's sake. My last logical point is that when food is being made in mass quantities, it just can't be well made. And most buffets are like $15, so I'm not going to let Golden Corral fuck me out of my money for dog food. I ain't no sucka!


I also hatez
"The Mac Community"

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I don't own a Mac. I want to own a Mac. Just because they have built in cameras, really. Anyway, Apple has just started some sort of hipster cult with this bullshit.
Their advertising department really deserves some credit with they way they made Mac users seem so cool and attractive and hip like Justin Long and the rest of the world fat, middle-aged balding men. Genius. How wonderful is it that you can go to forums and talk to other people about what kind of computer you have. I always wondered if I was missing something about Macs that got them all this hoopla, but I am just not getting it. Do they even have solitare? Can someone please tell me? I've really been slacking lately on being hip and trendy, some would even say I'm not cool, but I really think investing in a Mac would help. Also, where exactly IS the Mac Community? (Dad joke? Check.) I don't really care about the actual computer battle of Mac VS PC, as long as I can read shitty blogs and look at pictures of myself I'm cool, but seriously, Mac Community? Come on.


Today I lovez:
The iPhone

iPhone Pictures, Images and Photos

What? It's a sweet phone. The Super Phone, if you will. I don't feel like it makes me part of any club except the "I Have Fingers Too Fat for My Phone" club, and that's not a glamorous one.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Hatez:

Dudes

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What female doesn't hate dudes a majority of their life? I certainly don't mean that I like women in any sort of romantic way (and BELIEVE me, sometimes I wish I did since men are such shitty creatures, but vaginas just aren't attractive to me and women are a whole different ball game of crazy, so I shall continue my quest for a decent male, despite my feelings about to be explained). I hate them for a few simple reasons.
1. They are not ever what you think. Part of this is our fault. We have some idea of what we want in a male and twist small actions and words to have different meanings, and we project our ideal male on to anyone we want, hoping it'll actually come true. Wrong. Side note: I hate being wrong thus giving me yet another strike against dick-having humans. Men are good at fooling you. In the beginning you think what they do is out of nervousness, them trying to impress you, etc., because you cannot fathom someone being that stupid or so shitty. Wrong again. Even when you've been with someone a long time, they get comfortable and everything you thought you figured out goes right out the window. It's bullshit.
2.They think they're good at sex. Now, this is a topic I've thought about for a long time and my conclusion (and there are scientific studies that prove this point. Google it, mother fucker) is that when a woman is more emotionally attached to a man, intimacy is better. Since all men are idiots, I have never been emotionally attached. It's like math. But this is sort of my fault. What I hate is when they keep doing something and just because you don't want to hurt their fragile, little male egos, you pretend to like it. PRETEND. I would say the most joy most women get out of sex is laughing about it later. IDIOTS.
3. Men are stupid. Sure they're not as confusing as women, but they are just generally less intelligent. From the things they like to their transparent emotions to their primate-like thought processes. They're just dumb.
Some day soon I'll play the other side of the coin and talk about how stupid and crazy women are, but today men can suck it.



The Lottery

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I hate the lottery. It just teases me and gets me to think about all the wonderful things I would do. Like buy ten Saint Bernards and a VW thing and go to the beach all the time. I have literally sat down and tallied up the number frequency for the last six months hoping to get some sort of prize, but then I realized I am just stupid and that is completely pointless. I also hate the lottery because when I don't win, I get really mad and mean for a few days because for some reason I feel that my two dollars entitles me to win more than the other few million people playing. Have you noticed that I am a bit indignant and self righteous? Well, that's a stupid observation and you're wrong. LOLZ!




Lovez



The Office

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I love The Office almost as much as I love my mother. I really love Dwight Schrute. For a long while, I almost cared more about Jim and Pam's relationship than any one I had going on in my life. It makes me laugh, I love to laugh. They did a great job casting, a great job writing, and bears, beats, Battle Star Galactica.


Siblings

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I really love the dynamics of siblings relationships. You love them like you love your parents, but you can treat them like friends and not feel bad about it. They are also the few people in your life that it is acceptable to get physically violent with. I guess it's also kind of cool when the older ones look out for you and the younger ones look up to you, but that's just pansy shit.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Working in the "Food Industry"

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This is the worst type of job someone can have. No matter the position. Let me tell you why. Customers(you) are demanding, lazy, particular assholes. You don't send food back if it's raw, you send food back if there's too much cheese, or too little cheese. You send food back if it "doesn't look like the picture" and you ask for way too many sides of honey mustard. This turns your server into a raging bitch. Not only does she have to deal with your annoying ass, she has like four other tables pulling the same bullshit. She thinks it's a good idea to yell and take it out on the line cooks. WRONG. Line cooks are the OZ to the Emerald City that you're eating at. You don't see them, but they are all powerful. Do not fuck with them. But your server still will. Little does she realize that although she has to serve a whopping five tables, line cooks have to make food for the entire restaurant at once, so they could give two shits if some bitch customer likes their Caesar salad. This is the type of thing that leads to your food being dropped on the floor, microwaved, rinsed with water, etc. Line cooks know that without them, no one would be making money. So then being a line cook can't be that bad, you say? WRONG. Line cooks hate each other. They are always trying to pawn their duties off on other cooks (really, how hard is it to deep fry some chicken fingers?) or they do their job half assed and the other have to pick up their slack. Also, the pay is shitty. Fuck. That.



Man-Boys

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Have you ever met a dude that is just mind-blowingly stupid? Not necessarily lacking intelligence, but lacking common sense and the ability to mature. These are man-boys. They lack the responsibility and integrity to get their shit together and take care of anything, yet they have the ability to drink, have pubic hairs, and some even look like real, grown men. Do not be fooled. They will run away from their problems. They will continue living their lives as if they are 21 forever. They will read this and think it's funny that someone is annoyed with the way they are, not realizing the joke is really on them. They are sad. They will never be happy. They will probably end up with herpes and a shitty job. They think that not having any attachments, sentiments, or genuine relationships is funny and just a sad fact of life. This is untrue. Note to these wastes: it is okay to be vulnerable, you're probably really fucked up because you had shitty parents or something, and fucking girls and getting drunk is not going to solve your problems. Take a shower. Get a job. You would be surprised little things like stability will bring in to your life. Have fun being poor and an idiot. Oh, and sweet Vans, faggot.


I don't love anything today. I'm just really fucking pissed off for some reason today. Sorry for being unfunny.