hatezorlovez

Motherfuckingshit. I literally typed out a lie saying how busy I've been and how it has left me unable to make love to your eyes with the written word. In all reality, I have had a normal person's job and it is so exhausting and soul-sucking that I just haven't had enough emotion in me to develop a lovez or hatez. Well, enough is enough.

Today, I MOTHER FUCKING HATEZ:

PEOPLE WHO NAME ARBITRARY THINGS

Look, it's pretty simple: don't name anything that isn't living. Cars, amps, genitalia, whatever. If you're one of those assholes that will rebut this with "Well, (insert STUPID FUCKING NAME FOR YOUR CAR/AMP/GENITALIA/WHATEVER) does have a soul!", then I think you should stop reading right now, find the closest person you can, and ask them to honestly tell you how stupid you are. (You're welcome for that reality check.) You also probably think that wearing glitter is cute, are one of those adults that own stuffed animals, and need to get laid.
No one cares about your shit. Ever. And the fact that you took the time to think of a name to call something instead of saying "my ______" shows that you really are a sad, self-indulgent, boring turd. I can't think of anything else to say other than WHY? I can't remember people's names a lot of the time, much less trying to keep up with what I call my fucking green pen (Greeny?). I hate you, asshole.



WHEN PEOPLE TELL YOU THEY OWN THE SAME THING YOU'RE WEARING

"Ohmygod! Cute dress! Is that from Urban Outfitters? I totally have that same outfit!" Fuck. Off. Firstly, why would you ask me where I got the shits if you know where it's from? Secondly, why, for Pete's sake, do you think I care that you also own it? Are you also wearing it now and I've recently gone blind so you're telling me this so we can quickly MacGyver our clothes as to save face and not be accidental matchers? Do you think telling me you also have it is going to excite a brilliant idea of us going somewhere and publicly, as adults, wearing matching clothes? No. I hate people that match. I think that twins are fucking freaks and it makes my skin crawl when they dress the same. This being said, NATURALLY, I want us to wear the same outfit. Thanks for letting me know you have it. (Also, hand to God, if one of my friends buys an item of clothing [or any variation of it] that I already own, it is a well known rule that the first owner calls dibs and gets priority when it is worn. The other person is shit out of luck and will have to wear a napkin if need be.) Lastly, thanks for the compliment, I know I buy attractive clothing, but would you be saying anything about it if you didn't own it? Don't lie. Take your cool-brag and get out of here, turd wad.




The only thing I lovez today is

RICKY GERVAIS, STEVEN MERCHANT, & KARL PILKINGTON
These men are my gods. They are hilarious, minimally attractive, British, and rich. Ricky Gervais also happens to have the best laugh known to man. They have my ideal life, excepting the fact that they don't bang Robert Pattinson on a regular basis (to my knowledge). I have always been a fan of Ricky Gervais, but recently was introduced to An Idiot Abroad and The Ricky Gervais Show. An Idiot Abroad is how I was introduced to the Crackle and Pop to Ricky's Snap. It primarily focuses on Karl, who travels around the world on terrible trips that Ricky and Steven have set up to basically torture him, as he is the dullest, whiniest fuck on the planet. It is 100% the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. The Ricky Gervais show features the three of them, sitting in a room talking about random shit, and listening to Karl's skewed, retarded take on said shit. Like this
"Q:At the same time, though, you credit them for the career you have now.
A:Without a doubt, if it wasn’t for Ricky and Steve, there’s no way I’d be sitting here talking to you now. There’s no getting away from that. But we all get help along the way, don’t we, really? That’s what I said about Jesus getting known only because his dad was known."
It is 100% the second funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. On top of this, they all just seem like really wonderful dudes. They're smart, but not too smart, seem normal enough, and they make the word "cunt" sound pleasant. Please stop watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and check their shit out. RULES!