hatezorlovez

Oh hey. I didn’t forget about you, I’ve just been busy making out with Robert Pattinson and rolling around in piles of money or slaving away in an office listening to people talk about dumb shit I don’t care about while I make just enough money to take the burden of my bills off my parents. One of those. Anyway, let me tell you about some shit I lovez and hatez.


Firstly, I hatez:
Hippies

This has always been a tough thing for me to admit because I swear on all of my unborn children that if I were given the opportunity to go back in time to any place that I wanted to, it would be Woodstock. I’d get loaded out of my mind and lay in the mud, have lots of literally dirty sex and let Jimi Hendrix blow my mind. So how can I hate hippies so much if I’d give my children to be one? I’d be one for three days, then I’d go home, get a job, and look normal. I don’t mind their ideas of peace and love, that’s really nice…for five year olds and retarded kids. I basically just hate the idea of free loaders, especially free loaders that smell like patchouli. Well, patchouli and shit. Most of the “hippie” kids I know don’t wear deodorant (because it gives you cancer?) and I have even heard of people “washing” their hair with vinegar and baking soda. Come on. Lastly, my problems with hippies goes back to their ideals. Now, I don’t agree with genocide or mass slayings or anything, but war is necessary sometimes to protect our great nation, so don’t be a little bitch about it. America, fuck yeah.




I also really fucking hatez

Nazis

Man, what pieces of shit. Like, seriously, thanks for the really good genes (these big blues and phenomenal cheek bones had to come from somewhere), but why is you hatin’ on Jews and shit? I often get on kicks where I get obsessed with something for like a week and the Holocaust seems to be one that keeps coming back. *Note to reader: public libraries look at you strangely and judgingly when you have $150 to pay for Nazi films you stole.
During my most recent kick, I watched the movie Boy in the Striped Pajamas, a document on Auschwitz, and re-watched Sophie’s Choice. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY KIDS THOSE FUCKERS KILLED IN THOSE THREE MOVIES ALONE?! How do you make Meryl Streep choose which one of her fucking kids is going to die?! I almost wish Hitler was still alive so he could get skull fucked on a daily basis. Please read something about the Holocaust to get it fresh in your brain. It will piss you off and make you love everyone. Even if Jews are cheap.

BTW, apparently Nazi symbols are banned on a shit load of picture hosting websites, so you get the Soup Nazi.



Today I only lovez:

Meryl Streep


For some reason she reminds me of my mom. Not my actual mom, because that ho has a mouth like a sailor and has been known to make grown men cry, but you know how sometimes you think about people and they just manifest in a super positive light, where they’re like, nicer and better looking but you just imagine them that way. That’s what Meryl Streep is for my mom. Shit. That sounded real bad.
Anyway, I love Meryl Streep because she’s an amazing actress and she has a real knack for picking the perfect role. I mean, she’s Sophie for Christ’s sake. She had to make the hardest decision ever. Nothing she’s ever done has been tasteless, bad, or inappropriate, yet most of her roles have been vastly different and she’s done them all extremely well. I think that’s pretty respectable and really rare in her field of work. Examples:




Oh, I also love her because she looks like she could be in my family and is really beautiful. And we’re really beautiful and other beautiful people make us just feel more comfortable because we get each other’s struggle.