hatezorlovez

I thought about turning this blog into a one where I just post pictures of Robert Pattinson and plan our life together (wedding decor, photoshopping our faces onto babies, etc.) but I think I'd rather save those thoughts and ideas for when we really do get married. Instead, I'll post some lovez and hatez as usual. Today I lovez:

Getting hit on

There is no sarcasm involved in this. I genuinely love getting hit on. I like the whole part where someone is telling you they find you attractive, that's always nice and everyone enjoys that. Why I really love getting hit on though, is a bit backwards, some would say, but it's because I love the shit you hear from people. Sincerely. Here's a little story. This weekend I went to a bar/club/retard meet-up, and got pretty drunk. In the middle of my good time, some dudes came up and somehow we started talking(probably because I think I am even more awesome when I'm drunk and talk to whoever I want and think they should feel priveleged to talk to me). One thing led to another and one of my friends ended up telling the dudes that it cost $20 to have sex with me. This led the dude to ask me for a hug. What the fuck? What an idiot. Anyway, I told him it was $40 for a hug and the dude said he had no money and proceeded to pull his shirt up and show me his "sweet abs". This is not a lie. And he was serious. I then laughed and told him it was the absolute gayest thing I'd ever seen, but that's a lie. It was the most wonderful thing I'd ever seen. It sort of goes into this societal projection of dating and men and women and all that, but this mother fucker really thought I would give him a hug for showing me his stomach. It was absolutely hilarious and ridiculous and fantastic. I'm not trying to sound like a bad-ass or a bitch, nor am I one of those clueless morons who thinks the dude was probably kidding and "had me", I'm merely trying to say, in summation, that I love getting hit on because dudes turn into pathetic, approval seeking monsters when they are on the prowel and it is really funny. (Note:that was kind of bitchy. Whatever. Also, if you're trying to hit on a girl, don't do any of the above mentioned. Do,however, talk to a girl as usual and you probably won't end up with someone vapid or slutty. You're welcome for the advice)

Next I lovez:

Pontoon Boats

I love pontoon boats because they just scream party time. Seriously. When you look at them can't you just imagine it full of bathing suit clad beautiful people chugging beers and listening to radio rap? Oh yeah, did I forget to mention that I secretly wish I was a "bro-ho" but was never skinny(or stupid) enough? FTW. I'm dieting and saving money for one of these bitches.

My last lovez is:
Creating really awesome MSPaint art

So, people really like to put albums up on their MySpaces showing of their awesome drawings of falcons or tribal tattoos, or put up paintings they did of them and their friends that look like they were made by five year olds, and to me, this is crap. What I do is real art. One day I'll have a MySpace album dedicated to my craft, but I need some new pictures. Leave comments of your pictures and maybe I'll put you in some. Also, that picture above is not my art, that's my friend Chelsea, she's just my inspiration.


I couldn't really think of any hatez today, so I'll just do some easy ones:

Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup

This shit is disgusting. It tastes like someone poured a shitload of salt into uncooked noodles and then put chewed up chicken in it. I didn't like it as a kid and I don't like it now, and if my kids like it, they'll be shit out of luck.


Teenaged Girls in Mass

I hatez them because when I try to watch Robert Pattinson interviews on YouTube, they just scream the whole time and I can't hear anything. They also will probably ruin my chances of sparking our love affair because he might confuse me for one of them even though I am totally sane and not pathetic... Anyway, they tend to turn into this big blob of loud and stupid. Come on ladies, have some dignity. How could you go that crazy and get that obsessed over someone you don't even know. Sad, sad, sad. (Robert Pattinson and I actually have a connection...so whatever)

Lastly, I fucking hatez
Acai Berry Edge

I have never actually taken this product, nor do I want to, I hate it because it is the product the company that I work for "sells". I use the term loosely because they don't sell it, they capitalize on fat internet nerds by way of pop-ups, telling them it will make them lose weight. It doesn't make you lose weight, it makes you shit. And the free* trial you signed up for? It's not free. It's $79.90. And no, I can't give it back to you. Maybe you should have stopped being so stupid and read the terms and conditions before you put in your credit card information. Don't tell me you feel bad for me or that I should evaluate my life if I'm working for "a company full of scam artists" because I am not dumb enough to get caught up in something like this. You, sirs and ma'ams, should pull the food out from in front of your face and read, and maybe take some of the fat out of your fucking head and realize I just answer the phone and can't solve your problems. I mean really, if you've made it long enough in life to get a credit card and you're still this idiotic, there is no saving you.