I hate fashion because, contrary to what Meryl Streep says in The Devil Wears Prada, it is pointless. Designers really put months and months of work into that crap just to have maybe ten minutes worth of show on a runway. Is it a sick burn when they go out into the real world and see people wearing UGG's and velour jumpsuits? Or jeans and Tshirts? Do they feel like their lives are a big waste and only rich people who are vapid and clueless and self-indulgent keep them afloat? Well, they should. I also think it is everything that is wrong with the world. I couldn't wear these clothes, I'm a size 12, and I hate clubs that exclude me, therefore, I hate fashion. Stop making me feel fat, fashion models. I hate how ridiculous everything looks, and don't pull that it's art bullshit. Pretty soon I'm going to start crapping in the street and saying, "Oh, but it's art, mannnn." It's silly dressing this way and a good rule of thumb is if you won't go to lunch with your parents in it, you probably shouldn't wear it. And I don't know about your parents, but if I showed up to Cracker Barrel in one of those stupid hats up there, my mom would tell me I look like a moron and that I couldn't sit with them. Once again, jeans and a Tshirt will always prevail.
God, do I loathe sitting in traffic. Not really because it's monotonous and boring and keeps me from getting where I want to be when I want to be there. No, I can deal with that. I hate it because I always get stuck next to either a) some creepy, leather-faced dude who insists on smiling and winking and waving at me every time we move five feet or b) some "gangsta" who thinks that making MY rearview mirrors rattle means his music is good. Here is what I have to say to them:
Dear sir with a leather face, what do you want me to do? Would you like for me to get out of my car have sex with you right here in the middle of the road? Do you want me to wink and wave back to boost your self-esteem? And really, do you even want a woman who you "got" by being suggestive during traffic? Actually, I take that last one back. You would probably settle for any woman under 350 with more than 50% of her teeth. Gross.
And dear sir with da bangin' system, I do not like your music. I appreciate you trying to share it with me, but I'm most likely trying to listen to Mariah Carey or something and don't need the help. Also, having your music on that loud and all those vibrations cannot be healthy. Don't you want to have baby-gangstas one day? Use your brain, dawg.
Hating you both for ruining my commute,
Jennifer Norris.
PS-
Homeboy, lean your seat up, you should be able to see over your hood and they really did design those seats to sit that way for a reason.
My last hatez, is, well, a bit personal. And I really try to leave out personal information about myself because this blog is just supposed to be funny and entertaining, but I really can't resist this one:
Yeah, he is hot isn't he? Brace yourself now, because I am going to launch into one of those girls rants. I hate Chris Jordan because he hurt my feelings and, for a long time, I hated him because he wouldn't be my boyfriend anymore. What a jerk! I am awesome, obviously. I also hate him because he does that thing (which I'm not sure if all dudes do this because I don't really date) where he does something crazy and then you react to it as any normal person would, and he flips it around and makes YOU feel like the crazy one. Yeah, Chris Jordan invented that. I also hate Chris Jordan because he makes me feel weird about him now. Like, why can't we still be somewhat friends? Why you gots ta be such a weiner? NBD, I guess. I don't really know where this thing came from, but, isn't every girl allowed to hate her ex-boyfriend? Alright, cool. If not, suck it.
My only lovez for the day is
I'm sure at this point you've probably made your own judgments about me. But, I do like things other than TV, food, and hating celebrities. I like to drink, be funny, and probably other stuff. This lovez just so happens to fit into my regular taste, but why fix it if it ain't broken? Deviled eggs are a staple on any holiday at my house. I also must tell you that I only like my mom's, so if you're thinking about making me some, don't. I most likely won't like them. Also, if you're one of those that puts paprika or cayenne pepper on top of your deviled eggs, do the word a favor and never cook again.
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